Betrayal - from friend to foe
by Mrs. Soh Hiang Jamir

y daughter complained of her younger sister, “Why do you have to tell my secret? I am angry with you.” She was almost in tears.

A friend, who is in business, said in frustration, “ You just can’t trust anybody!”

A wife with an adulterous husband expressed her pain, “ Oh! The sense of being betrayed is terrible!”

There was an angry outcry of treason against the American who fought on the side of the Afghanistan Jihad against his own countrymen.

In the former East Germany, when human rights activist Vera Wollenberger learned that it was her husband who had betrayed her to the secret police, resulting in her arrest and exile, she ran to the bathroom and vomited. “ I would not want anyone to experience the hell I have been through,” she says.

Some, like Mrs. Gandhi never lived to tell what it was like being betrayed by one’s own trusted bodyguard.

Sibling, friend, spouse, fellow countryman, colleague or employee, all form a whole spectrum of betrayal of various degrees. In each case, it inevitably imparts hurt and pain, if not result in death. Hurt more intense than that of being denied. Pain more severe than rejection. It is more agonizing and disappointing than a failed expectation. Hope unfulfilled is an anticipation of an addition not materialized. Quite differently, betrayal is a great subtraction of what is already in possession. The betrayed feel cheated. It is a kind of loss and bereavement. It is having something rightfully yours, torn away from you. And it hurts most when it isn’t something external but a part of you that have been taken. It violates one’s person.

According to my Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, to betray is defined as to be disloyal or unfaithful to; to hand over to the power of an enemy by disloyalty; to give away or make known (especially a secret).

Betrayal is broken trust, broken promise, broken covenant, broken commitment, a breach of confidence, a breach of loyalty. It often involves some infringement of ethics. What makes betrayal so hard to accept and bear up to is, that it often comes from those closest to us. The most natural outburst of emotions of the betrayed is that of anger, bitterness and revenge directed at the other(s). In some cases, the anger may be turned inward and cause depression or result in self-doubt, self-blame or false guilt when instead of questioning the betrayer, one starts questioning oneself.

Biblical examples
The bible records many instants of betrayal besides that of the Lord Jesus’. Taking a look at them may help us to have a better idea of this human experience.

In Genesis 27, we read of Jacob stealing Esau’s blessing. He, incited by Rebekah not only betrayed his own twin brother but also his aged and blind father. He deceived his own kin to obtain what was not rightfully his but Esau’s. No wonder, Isaac ‘trembled violently’(v33) and Esau ‘burst out with a loud and bitter cry’ (v34). Esau ‘wept aloud’ (v28), ‘held a grudge against Jacob’ and plotted to kill him (v41). Jacob fled for his life. On his return after 20 years (Gen 31:28), he still feared for his life. Henceforth, the relationship between Israel and Edom was never the best of brothers. Edom denied Israel passage when they were wandering in the desert (Numbers 20:14f). Such is the intensity of the emotions and consequences of betrayal!

Joseph’s being betrayed by his brothers and sold as slave to Egypt (Gen 37, 39-50) may not tell us much about Joseph’s immediate reaction, but it certainly reveals his brothers’ troubled conscience even after 22 long years (42:21) and thereafter (50:15-18)! I am sure Joseph’s brothers had no good night sleep for all those years. Perhaps Joseph recognized that the lack of peace on the part of his brothers was punishment enough for their wrong.

King David is one who played both the role of betrayer and the betrayed. He betrayed his trusted and devoted army officer, Uriah and stole his wife (I Sam 11). Later in life, he was in turn, betrayed by his own son, Absalom, who attempted to usurp the throne. In the former, prophet Nathan was sent by the Lord to confront him. He paid the price and lost his son. In the latter, he suffered the consequences of humiliation, exile and pain but eventually regained power through his loyal subjects.

The sin of betrayal is as old as human history and spans across all times and cultures. Not only human suffered betrayal, God Himself bore this pain. Jeremiah 2 tells of God’s heartache when Israel, His bride forsook Him. Once, “..how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the desert…”, then “…they strayed so far from me…followed worthless idols.”. “I brought you into a fertile land ...but you came and defiled my land”. The covenant of trust was broken by unfaithful Israel. God was betrayed.

Healing for the betrayed
Betrayal ruins relationships. Oswald Chambers said, “The greatest problems of conscience are not the wrong things we have done, but wrong relationship.” The resultant emotions of a betrayal are the resultant emotions of a broken relationship. A friend shared about the long damaging effect of a breach of confidence with a close friend. Not only did the friendship ceased, her distrust for people continued for many years until being counseled and received healing from the Lord. Another friend told of an experience of being betrayed by a longstanding, trusted partner in ministry. He suddenly turned his back and left. While relating his disappointment to his dad, he complained of the departed friend as being ungrateful etc, etc. His dad said,” If he is so bad, why do you mourn about his leaving?”

Most naturally, when we think of betrayal, our thoughts turn to Jesus’ betrayal by Judas, his chosen twelve. Elizabeth Elliot in her book, “Loneliness” mentioned a woman she called Priscilla who married an irresponsible, irresponsive husband. This woman who was living in a miserable marriage, wrote, “ But the Lord has been faithful. In agony, I have lain prostrate before Him and “wailed”. I had to have chosen the wrong one. He so graciously gave me His word in John 6:70, “Did I not choose the Twelve of you myself? Yet one of you is a devil.” And so He has assured me that even in our finite poor judgment in choosing, I know He has gone before.”(italics, mine)

In our human experience, we have no foreknowledge of who is going to betray us but Jesus knew it beforehand, all along. That must have been all the more difficult. Imagine having to live, eat, sleep, work and put up with your betrayer day after day and letting him have a free hand in handing you over to your enemy!

Yes, He has gone before. When betrayed, let’s firstly remember, “In His full identification with our humanity, and especially on that cross, He took unto Himself the entire range of our feelings….Not only Jesus understand the fact of our infirmities, He understand the feelings….The fact that God not only knows and cares, but fully understands is the most therapeutic factor in the healing of our damaged emotions.” For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

Secondly, let me be thankful that it isn’t me who wrong others. This isn’t self -righteous attitude but the comforting knowledge that life on the other side is even more miserable. Judas went out to hang himself. There must have been unbearable guilt and remorse.

Thirdly, recognize that God is sovereign. He has allowed it to happen. Ask not why but what. What can I learn from this? What do I do now to make good the situation and the experience? After all, all those who were betrayed not necessarily continued to suffer. God can turn the table and uses the stumbling block as stepping stone in life. If God is for us who can be against us? He is a creative God who can make all things work together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28)Him (Rom(. Not only is this true in Joseph’s case but the greatest betrayal in history turns out to achieve our salvation.

Fourthly, forgive as Joseph and Jesus did. For as someone said, “Forgiveness is releasing someone and fin