The Principle of Postponed Pleasure
- Samson Gandhi

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: . . .a time to embrace and a time to refrain . . " Ecclesiastes 3:1,5

hildren at a birthday party make an interesting sight. I enjoy observing them and they teach me a lot. No doubt the cake cutting is the highlight of the evening. Children get so excited at the size, colour and shape of the cake that they let out gasps - some silent and some loud. Soon every child is salivating at the look of the cake. They can hardly wait for the cake to be cut and served to each of them. Some even look for an opportune time to pluck the cherries on top. They are in such a hurry.

Now look at the way they eat their piece of cake. They go straight to the cream and icing on the cake. They gobble it up in no time. As soon as they finish eating the icing they lose all interest in what remains of the cake. Most just leave the crust aside. Well, children will be children! That is the beauty and joy of childhood.

May be you did the same thing when you were a child. May be we all did it.

But what happens when children do not grow up? Then, we would have young adults behaving like kids. Someone described children as those who say, "I want it, I want it now and I want it the way I want it." We find many adolescents coming into adulthood behaving like children. They just can't wait to be served and pluck 'cherries' from the 'cake of life'. They become pleasure seekers. Their motto seems to be: "Pleasure on Demand". They do not know how to postpone their pleasure. Once they are through with the 'cherries' they lose all interest in the rest of their life. Or worse still life passes them by.

This is true of youngsters in the area of sex more than any other area of life. Sex before marriage is increasing at an exponential rate. God created us in a wonderful way with our own unique and beautiful sexuality. He ordained that our sexuality should find fulfilment within the boundaries of marriage. What is beautiful within the sanctity and security of marriage is pillaged before the sacred union. They indulge in it before they can relish it. They enter into it not knowing that the fizz will not even last the hour.

Take the case of Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13:15). No sooner Amnon had sex with Tamar, 'he hated her more than he had loved her'. Amnon overpowered Tamar with brute force but today youngsters overpower (read manipulate) one another emotionally, financially and physically.

The odds are really against the young these days. Boys and girls mature earlier today than they did 20 years back. They have more information on sex than the previous generation did. Television, Magazines, Internet, Movies and Newspapers use sex to promote their wares. There is hardly a place where a youngster is not bombarded with sexual messages. Added to this, their body chemistry is highly volatile, their emotions are like runaway horses and the peer pressure is just overwhelming.

No wonder pre-marital sex is so common these days. Dating has become popular. Having girlfriends and boyfriends is so common. It's a 'my girl, my bike' generation. The message is: "If you don't have one, you do not belong". With well-paying jobs in multinationals and night working hours the youngsters are exposed to a new culture they are not equipped to face. With Internet and mobile phones, it's becoming more and more easy to get entangled emotionally. With no values and principles to guide, it's a matter of time before they cross the line.

Having friends is being rich. Having friendly relations with boys or girls is healthy. But "gentlemen (and ladies) seeking stripes must know where to draw the line". A boy was asked, "What happens when a boy crosses puberty?" "He gets into adultery," was the innocent reply. Not necessarily. You can become and remain a mature adult who can relate with others in holiness. Anything else would be a compromise. Follow the 'Principle of Postponed Pleasure'. Paraphrased it will read: God has designed me wonderfully with my own unique sexuality. I can enjoy all my friendships within the boundaries of holiness. God has given me a spirit of self-control and I must resist all temptations to indulge in pre-marital sex for sex is best enjoyed within marriage.

Here are a few tips for maintaining your sexual purity.

1. Let the fear of God guide your relationships.
2. Feel secure in a close relationship with Jesus Christ.
3. Have good friendships and keep them transparent.
4. Have the courage to say 'No' to any sort of manipulations. Manipulators anyway do not make good life partners.